Pre-Adolescent

(10-13 Years)

You and your child are adjusting to school and everyday living with an ostomy. Each person’s situation is unique, so your experience may not be the same as someone else’s. You and your child’s health care is our priority. UOAA is dedicated to providing support for any problems that come up or questions you may have. In this document you will find important and supportive information that will assist you in applying pouching equipment, ostomy supply management, steps for caring for your ostomy, lifestyle, and more.

During this time, young teens experience a myriad of physical, emotional, and social changes at different speeds and times. Hormones begin to change at around 10-11 years for girls and 11-12 for boys. It is normal to start puberty in the range of 8-13 years for girls and 9-14 years for boys. During this time, the beginning of facial hair, breast development, pubic hair and menses begins. These changes can bring about fear and anxiety about what others think. If puberty is beginning later, the Young Teen may feel anxious and or worried. Peer pressure to use alcohol, drugs, tobacco products and have sex. Other challenges might be school, eating disorders and depression and family issues. During this time, young teens begin to make their own decisions about friends, school, sports. Although parents are important, Young Teens become more independent showing their own personalities and interests.

How to talk to your Young Teen
about Puberty:

Factual Explanations
Young teens need factual explanations using the right terms for body parts.
Reinforcement
Reinforce that “physical changes happen differently for everyone~ some are early and some later”.
Reassurance
Reassure them that puberty is an important and exciting life stage.
Avoid Certain Words
Avoid using words like “right or wrong” when talking about development~ everyone is different.
Avoid Comparison
Do not compare your child to others, even if you have other children in the home.

General FAQ’s About Your Pre-Adolescent

What about gender neutral conversations?

In all cultures, there are young teens who may identify themselves different from the sex they were given at birth. As a parent, you might think this decision was sudden, when in fact, your Young Teen has most likely thought about this for a long time and may have been trying to figure out how to tell you. It is important to reassure your Young Teen in this conversation just as you would in any other conversation about an issue. If you are uncomfortable talking about gender, work with your general healthcare provider in talking about these concerns.

Emotional/Social Changes:

Young teens have concrete black and white thinking which means things are either right or wrong. Their thinking is centered on self (often referred to “egocentrism”). Due to all the physical changes, Young Teens are often self-conscious about their appearance and may feel as if they are constantly being judged by peers. They want to “fit in”. One might see Young Teens moving towards more independence from the family. Boundaries and limits may be tested. Expressing emotions can be difficult at this age. Let your teen know that emotions are not right or wrong, they are feelings and that what is wrong is how we behave. Stating something like “I can see that you are angry, and it’s not acceptable to kick the door.”

Thinking/Learning:

Young teens have the ability for complex thought and are better able to express their feelings by talking. Talking sometimes happens at off hours, such as late nights. This can be due to scheduling of activities and thoughts expressed when the Young Teen has some “down time”. They also develop a stronger sense of right and wrong. This is a transition time to middle school or junior high. Oftentimes there is a new school, new teachers, and a new routine. Help them be organized and flexible as they navigate this new experience. Because the Young Teen is beginning to think on their own, they should be able to take responsibility for their schoolwork (homework). Here is where assisting in organizing assignments can be of great help. Ask about what is happening in classes, ask to look at homework and praise your Young Teen when they do something well

It is also good for your Young Teen to see that you as a parent struggle too. Admit your own mistakes in front of your children and apologize when you are wrong.

What about bullying?

Bullying can increase and has the potential to become serious during this period of growth. Bullying can be physical and or emotional via in-person or social media. Monitor cell phones and social media, be alert for signs of bullying, and talk to your Young Teen about how things are at school. If you are concerned, reach out to healthcare providers for assistance as well as the school.

Safety:

To promote the safety of your Young Teen, have honest and direct conversations about safety concerns (i.e. drugs, alcohol, tobacco, sex, wearing seat belts, safety gear when sledding/snowboarding/skating). Don’t assume your Young Teen knows about drugs, alcohol, tobacco or sex. Ask them what they do know. Know what is happening at school and ask questions about school such as “tell me about your day, what was the best thing that happened today or what can I help you with?”. Get to know your Young Teens friends and their families. Teach your Young Teen how to make a good decision, remember you will not always be present. Know where and who your Young Teen is with~ inquire about the presence of another adult. Remind them not to walk alone or leave a venue alone. Make sure someone is with them. Listen to the spoken word and the unspoken word. When there are goals to be met such as “increasing grades or cleaning a room”, negotiate with your Young Teen for ways to do this. Praise them when they do things well. When your Young Teen is home alone, set clear expectations and boundaries. Teach your Young Teen how to handle emergencies such as a fire, or illness or what to say/do when confronted with alcohol, tobacco, drugs, or sex.

Health:

Seek regular medical and dental checkups. It is important to have good nutrition and rest. Choose healthy foods/snacks. Since your Young Teen is growing rapidly consider a multivitamin and extra calcium. Be creative by having breakfast foods at dinner time or vice versa or having your Young Teen suggest a new recipe or food. Ask their opinion on meals or restaurants.

A Word about Dinnertime:

Respect thoughts and opinions and have a meal together daily as a family. These times create a space for conversation about daily activities. Mealtime should be a relaxing time so turn off the TV to encourage conversation.

Television/Computers/social media:

Young Teens are exposed to a multitude of media that may be violent, have inappropriate sexual messages or inappropriate content. Time with the television/computer/social media is time away from the family and other duties/responsibilities. Sharing the physical effects of sitting for long periods of time is important. Information such as sitting can cause high amounts of stress on the spine, neck, and lower back. This can contribute to headaches and backaches. As soon as one sits, electrical activity in the leg muscles shut off and calorie burning drops to 1 calorie per minute. As much as your Young Teen may not like it, limit computer time and plan for other activities such as reading, board games and/or walking/bike riding. Do not allow your Young Teen to have a TV in their bedroom; the bedroom is for sleeping. Place computers/screen in central locations so everyone can see and have access. Monitor internet sites/email accounts, phone calls/text messages and remind your Young Teen not to share personal information on the internet. Be aware that some cell phones receive unwanted pornographic material without a request.

Hope, support, and finding community

Parent Stories

Various versions have evolved over the years, sometimes by accident, sometimes on purpose (injected humour and the like). Various versions have evolved over the years, sometimes by accident, sometimes on purpose (injected humour and the like).

Kristina S.Mother of a toddler with an ostomy

These webpages are funded by a grant from Hollister Incorporated.

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P.O. Box 2293
Biddeford, ME 04005-2293

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Please understand that UOAA is a private, nonprofit, advocacy and informational organization. We are not a medical facility and we do not have medical or legal professionals on staff. Therefore, UOAA does not provide Medical, Mental Health, Insurance or Legal Advice. Visit UOAA Virtual Ostomy Clinic provided by The Wound Company for non-emergency, virtual ostomy support.

Pre-Adolescent

How to talk to your Young Teen about Puberty:

General FAQ’s About Your Pre-Adolescent

Parent Stories

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How to talk to your Young Teen
about Puberty: